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21 Harsh Realities No One Tells You About Becoming A Functional Adult

Thursday, January 26, 2017

Are you an adult? Do you know someone who is an adult? Are you on the cusp of becoming an adult? Well, regardless of your age, there are some things about "adulting" that no one tells you. And they should.

But since no one else is, I will. You're welcome.

This picture has nothing to do with anything. My dogs just look really cute, and I needed a photo.

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 1.) Once you start working full time, you will always. feel. tired. ALWAYS.

2.) Pursue your passion and all that. But at the same time, don't forget you have to still pay your student loan debt off. So choose wisely. (This is coming from someone who picked the nonprofit sector as my career choice though, so maybe take my advice lightly.)

3.) You know your BFF from middle school? They are going to grow up, and it's very likely they will have totally different political views than you. That means you gotta learn to bite ya damn tongue, and learn to respect their opinion (despite how much you may loathe their views on certain issues).

4.) Remember those painful, awkward, rite of passage braces that your parents were always telling you how expensive they were, and you built a gratitude shrine to the Gods when you finally got them taken off for good? Yeah. Well, this one hurts to break it to you... but even with your permanent retainers YOUR. TEETH. WILL. STILL. MOVE. [Ugh. This one is personal. I have both top and bottom permanent retainers, yet somehow both sets of choppers seem to continually move more and more every single day! Here I come, Invisalign...]

5.) Your metabolism will slow down. Plain and simple. 

6.) Eat your veggies. (And get them locally and organically grown when possible.) I mean it, teeny boppers. You've heard "EAT YOUR VEGETABLES" for your entire life -- and it will never stop. So you might as well just suck it up and force yourself to semi-like 'em.

7.) Oh, and speaking of food? You really will need to know how to cook. Once you hit the (sad, sad, saaad) age where you metabolism slows tremendously [see #5], whatever year that may be, you'll quickly realize microwavable, super processed food is the likely culprit for your newly formed Love Handle Extremes. (I say this one from a personal experience. This year - #27 - was that very year for me. Now I cook almost every night, in hopes to one day say sayonara to these new, uh, lady lumps.)

8.) You most likely will not have nearly as many friends as you did back in grade school. The friends you do have though will be THE BEST. #QualityOverQuantity

9.) Almost no one I know in real life actually uses their degree for exactly what they majored in during college. It's pretty "normal" to take some time post-school to try out different roles and see what is the best fit for your long term career goals.

10.) Rent is expensive. Like really expensive. It's a shit ton of money. And have you always dreamt of living in an amazing city, or close to the beach, or a place with culture abound? Well, expect those rent prices to skyrocket. And fly right on towards Mars. Because the price of taking a spaceship to Mars is about how much it costs to live in a rad place.

11.) You can no longer say words like "rad" without people rightfully rolling their eyes at you.

12.) If you plan to live "unconventionally" in any way, people will never stop questioning your motives. You just have to get used to it. (Take this from someone who has been with their significant other for 9+ years with no plans to marry or have kids.)

13.) If you plan to live your life "conventionally" in any way, people will never stop questioning your motives. Basically, there will always be some butthead who wants to judge you, no matter what you do. But that's totally okay. Because planning a wedding, having babies, buying a house in the suburbs, and all that can be really fun. (Or so I hear.)

14.) You can't just get by in life by having the best hair. You have to actually form a real personality and be kind to people.

15.) No one cares if you were popular in high school. LITERALLY NO ONE. Life as a functioning adult is not like it was when you were 17 and Homecoming Queen Hopeful. Now it's 100% fine to not give a crap about whatever is trendy.

16.) YOU HAVE TO GIVE A DAMN ABOUT PLANET EARTH. This one is huge. Growing up, depending on your age, you may or may not have been told this will be a priority for generations to come, and with good reason. We (meaning humans) have been messing with our environment for much too long, and now we are paying the price. So please make it a point in your life to constantly think of ways you can help out. Want a simple example? Freakin' turn off the water while you're brushing your teeth. BAM. You're an environmental warrior goddess.

17.) Going out to bars (or clubs - no one goes to clubs anymore though, right...?) isn't the only way to have fun, even though that's what Facebook and TV shows may tell you. If that's not your thing, don't feel bad, or like you're an old hag. Hey, most of the best people I know prefer to be at home with their Netflix and snacks.

18.) Snacks. Don't forget to pack 'em! No matter where you're going, at some point, you're gonna want a snack. (Your parents were right on that one.)

19.) You're gonna be tired. I already told you that. But you still have to make time to volunteer. Whether you participate in an annual Relay For Life or spend scheduled time every week socializing cats at the local shelter, it's important to help whenever and however you can. We all need to be public servants in some way if we want to see our communities improve. (Wanting to see your community improve is also a surefire way to know you've officially reached adulthood.)

20.) There will be no greater excitement than when your Amazon Prime package arrives faster than the anticipated two days.

21.) It's not nearly as bad as everyone makes it out to be (despite what this post's title might allude 😉). You get to make your own decisions, you actually have enough spare money to spend on a burrito whenever you damn well please, and you are free to go to sleep whenever you want (which is typically going to be around 9 o'clock... because, like I said, you're just freaking exhausted, OKAY?)

Oh. And dogs. You can adopt your own dog -- without your parents' permission!!! Need I say more?

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  1. Great post!! And so true! #22 you'll never have enough time to do all the things you 'should do'. #23 not having homework is the best!

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  3. Love this post!!! Enjoy life...the older you get the faster time appears to go! Oh yea, and don't forget your moisturizer.

  4. Such a fun (and true) read!! Thanks for sharing!!
    Adi xx

  5. HAHAHA! This is just awesome. So sad huh? yet so true too! I still want to move home so my Mom can cook for me lol

  6. Haha too funny! Seriously, why am I always tired when I'm working! It's a adulting mystery.

  7. Hah, these are all so true! Adulting is hard sometimes lol


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